Pet Peeve: Crushed Foods

This one will be short because I’m a little annoyed. One of my many pet peeves is crushed foods. More specifically crushed foods that aren’t meant to be crushed until you crush them in your mouth. I list my most disappointing crushed foods below and try to identify the source of the crushing.

Exhibit A: My Toast-Chee cracker hobby kit. I love Toast-Chee crackers. Perfect snack for me when I’m at work to take the edge of the tummy grumble. Nothing like tearing off that plastic wrapper and smelling the delicious, processed, cheesy, peanut-buttery goodness. What truly sucks is when you open the pack and they are all broken in tiny pieces so small that they crumble out of the wrapper onto the desk (or your lap when in the car). So small that they are inedible. So frustrating. What really makes it frustrating is that everything looks fine until you open the package. The wrapper was holding everything together. Grrr.

Suspected Crusher(s):

• Disenfranchised grocery store stock clerks
• My computer bag
• Break room vending machines (seriously, why are crackers put on the highest shelf?)
• Jealous co-workers

But there are other really annoying crushed foods.

Pringles: So fun and salty. Remember making the duck bill with them? My kids love that. You pop off that Tupperware top, pull back the foil and anticipate the stack sliding out granting you one savory chip at a time. Mmm nirvana. But no, you do all the above steps and you tilt the tube over to release the bounty and nothing but shards of Pringles pour into your lap. Argh. Of course this can apply to nearly any chip, but honestly when you by a bag of chips you kind of expect them to be broken most of the time. But not Pringles, you expect the packaging to protect them.

Suspected Crusher(s):

• Disenfranchised grocery store stock clerks
• Children who think it is a maraca
• Jealous co-workers

Oreos: Ok other than my Toast-Chee being crushed this is my second most annoying crushed food. You open the fancy new resealable package and you carefully select the first cookie. You pick it up and one side of the cookie crumbles off the cream filling. This is not too bad if you are not a dunker. However for me (a dunker) this is pure frustration. Mainly because the crushed cookie waits for me to emurse it into a large glass of ice cold milk, then it completely disintegrates and sinks to the bottom of the glass. Then you have to get a spoon or fork and go Oreo fishing. That never works anyway. The cookie is beyond rescue after 5-10 seconds anyway. It just turns to mush. Just deal with the disappointment and move on.

Suspected Crusher(s):

• Disenfranchised grocery store stock clerks
• Careless grocery store baggers who put the spaghetti sauce jars on top of the cookies
• Children who have not been trained in the important skill of Oreo eating
• Jealous co-workers
• Jealous spouses who are mad that you ate all of their Double-stuffs the previous week
• Negligent eaters who set them on the couch and forgot they were there when returning with the ice cold milk

Fast Food: I’m sorry but I’m at about the end of my rope with this one. You see it on TV, you see it on the sign at the drive through, you see it in magazine adds and coupon sheets. That glorious, six inch tall juicy hamburger with all the trimmings. You order your sandwich beastie. You drive up. Pay. Drive off. You get back to your eating destination, unwrap it and prepare to feast. But you notice that your six inch tall meat beastie is a mere 3/4 of an inch tall with a large handprint in the middle. Not only is your burger crushed but so is your spirit. Why is it necessary to flatten a burger like that? No truth in advertising I say.

Suspected Crusher(s):

• Disenfranchised fast food workers
• Angry co-workers who lost the rock-paper-scissors gambit on who does the food run today
• Angry spouses who didn’t like your ‘special order’ requirements

Ok so it wasn’t that short… sue me.