The New 401K Plan

If you bought $1000 of stock a year ago, you would now have:


$91.28 if you bought Washington Mutual
$37.50 if you bought Neomagic
$21.29 if you bought Freddie Mac
$20.79 if you bought Fannie Mae   

But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the recycling REFUND… You would have $214.00 in cash.

So the best investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

It’s called the 401-Keg Plan

* I do not condone or support heavy drinking… but whatever lessens the pain of the current market…

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The Decline of the Spork

Spork 1Sitting in my SharePoint workshop today I was staring down at my hotel breakfast hobby-kit and noticed I had three utensils… a fork, spoon and knife. Of course that is all the distraction my brain needed and off it went on a tangent.

I began to think about my favorite eating utensils, chopsticks, spatulas, fingers, etc. Then I came to the spork. I began to think about it and I hardly ever see the spork anymore. I remember it most back in elementary through high-school. I remember the small little package of a napkin, knife, salt/pepper and a trusty spork (usually white as a brown colored spork conjures questions of cleanliness). Truly the spork is an under-rated invention in the world of cutlery. Best of both worlds in one implement… spoon and fork. You can quickly shift from stabbing to scooping with zero delay. No need to balance the unused utensil on your plate, leg or lap. No fear of the unneeded implement falling to the ground and leaving you to try and eat your green beans with a spoon. Frustrating.

I’d like to actually meet the inventor of the spork. Just to say thanks. He definitely made life easier.

Now I sit and wonder why the spork has declined in popularity in recent years. It’s such a handy thing. Now I know you can’t go stacking bean after bean on it like a traditional fork but it’s far less frustrating than scooping them with a spoon. A spork is a spoon with a bite in my opinion. We need more sporks. But we need useful sporks.

Spork 2The spork to the left I do not find very useful. At some point you are gonna get food on your hand unless you hold it in the middle which causes a loss of control. This could cause even more problems. I think the best design is the original. dual purpose head… good handle for control. If it ain’t broke don’t fix it I say.

I think I’ll ask my kids if they know what a spork is. That will be the litmus test of spork usage in the 21st century. Of course it may have gone the way of the Dodo or ‘jorts’ (jean shorts).

No matter what its fate may be, the spork has a special place in my vault of strange memories.

Bipolar or Just Too Much Sugar & Caffeine?

I’ve wondered lately if I suffer from mild bipolar disorder or if I just have too much sugar and caffeine in my diet. I mean the effects of both are about the same (depending on the dosage of caffeine/sugar). One just requires medication. During the weekends, when I am away from the vending machine in our breakroom that bekons me to get the 20 ounce bottle of green joy that is Mountain Dew, I become quite down and depressed. I’m sure it’s due to the lack of caffeine in my system over the two days off, but sometimes I just wonder if it could just be that I’m a fast-cycle bipolar and I just happen to go through my ‘down slope’ on the weekends. Maybe I just get depressed because I know I should be out doing the lawn. Maybe I get depressed because I know Monday is coming. Meh… it’s gotta be the caffeine. Also… why doesn’t caffeine follow the ‘i after e’ rule? 

MOOD THIS POST: Mood - Tired Depends. Maybe I’m on a downward slope?

Wow! I suck so bad at blogging!

Well you’d think being an internet designer and a geek I’d be blogging every day. Well I guess I blow that stereotype out the door. Honestly it’s probably just laziness. Maybe apathy. Maybe both. Maybe it’s just that I type all day and I’m bored of typing rants or pictures of puppies. Maybe it’s just that my life is uber-boring and the most exciting thing that’s happened is the new gray hairs in my beard. Maybe it’s just that no one reads this blog… not even my wife links to it anymore.*sigh*Maybe I should blog more. Maybe I can get it all out of my system. Maybe I can find something to be passionate about again.Maybe.

MOOD THIS POST: Moody.Midol moody. If I could take Midol I mean.

‘Bout Time I Learned

I’ve had a lot less stress in my life lately… or at least it ‘feels’ that way. Not sure if it’s less pressure or more of me just not caring. Whatever it is, it has done one significant thing: it has awakened my long dormant creative muse.

I’ve always been a creative person even from childhood. I would draw for hours and hours as a kid. I’d even draw on paper plates if I had gone through my newsprint doodle pad. I actually still have those plates too. My Grandmother kept everything I ever drew just about. Bless her heart. Anyway, as I said my muse had taken a hiatus for several years. I’ve use my ‘talents’ everyday since then, but that was for work or friends & family and most of that was stuff where I didn’t have to really be all that creative, just make what I was asked for. Not all that satisfying though.

Lately I’ve felt the muse stirring. I’ve had several creative ideas for things ranging from t-shirts to motorcycle tanks. The last one is very odd because I do not own a motorcycle. Must be American Chopper. But one thing the muse has stirred up again from my angst-filled teen years is singing and poetry. I’ve been welcomed to the church worship band and I really enjoy it. I’ve forgotten how fun it is and how hard reading music can be and learning parts and all that goes with it. I’ve even had the urge to write some poetry again as well. I used to write a lot when I was in high school. I’ve had several themes for poems pop into my head randomly over the last few months. I should probably find the time to sit quietly and compose them. Funny how life can kill off the time to do meaningful things that bring satisfaction to the spirit at times, no?

One thing I’ve always regretted was never learning a musical instrument completely. I’ve dabbled in various ones throughout my life but having a short-attention span and a very creative mind as a child lead to short bursts of commitment to things. I’ve had organ lessons, trumpet, bassoon (don’t ask), and even learned to bang around decently on the drums by ear. Unfortunately, I never fell in love with one. Probably because art was more important to me. But you can’t strum a 1″ camel-hair, chisel-tip paintbrush around a campfire and sing Kumbayah to it.

So one thing I’d like to do before I die is learn to play an instrument. My choice? The guitar of course. Acoustic, not electric. I don’t want to be a flemenco player or classical… nor I do not want to be Estaban and schill my gear on HSN. I just want to be able to strum in tune and learn the basics for now. If it grows from there great, but I don’t expect too much from myself for now. So, the hunt begins for a good starter guitar. I’ve started my research on the Internet and have some pretty good ideas on what I’d like to get and all that. But I will of course be seeking first-hand knowledge from actual players… so if you play and I know you… watch out.

Of course all this could just be in my head because I’ll be 40 *cough* this summer and my mid-life is starting. I think it’s God opening up the floodgates of creativity for the next half of my life… but with my luck, most likely it’s just my hormones chipping away at the last bits of mortar in the brick wall that separates youth from senility. We’ll see I guess.

MOOD THIS POST: Tired. At this moment I’m the oldest I’ve ever been.

I’m In a Star Wars State of Mind…

Thought for the day: “The Force is like duct tape… it has a light side, a dark side, and it binds the universe together.”

I was organizing my DVD collection the other day and I ran across my copy of Star Wars Episode III. I put all six movies together… quite the double trilogy! That being said… I got curious to see what funny pictures of stormtroopers I could find out on the web… man did I hit the jackpot! Here are some of my finds (the captions are mine though):

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Crap! This thing doesn’t take Imperial credits?! Maybe I can call collect…

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Umm… this is not my speeder… crap! Not again!

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Ok… I can’t read anything here. I miss Tatooine… sniffle…

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Ahhhh finally a moment to myself.

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There’s a reason it’s called the Yellow Sector.

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Recruitment Incentive #1: The Condos and Private Resorts

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Recruitment Incentive #2: The Social Mixers

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Recruitment Incentive #3: New Co-Ed Garrisons!

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This kind of thing wouldn’t have happened to me back in the day…

Stormtrooper Pet Peeves

11. “Bathroom in a Bag” uniform attachment gets leaky sometimes.

10. Health plan doesn’t cover “laser burn.”

9. Annoying hum of tie fighters makes it hard to concentrate during battles.

8. Constant “helmet hair.”

7. Tired of appearing on Tatooine’s Funniest Home Videos.

6. Cloned family members always bugging you for job.

5. Only thing plastic “armor” stops is you from moving quickly.

4. They only show the dumb stuff we do in the movies, none of our great accomplishments or charity work.

3. Helmet not rated for impact with control room door.

2. Nobody ever asks you how you are.

1. Never seem to find the droids you’re looking for.

And for the ULTIMATE stormtroper spoof click here. (be sure to watch for the MST3K nod)

MOOD THIS POST: Mood - Wary Blaster-burned